lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
