after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
