I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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