so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
