I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
