guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
