I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
