On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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