How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
