nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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