With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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