4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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