I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Panties = found
Randomize
