Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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