Don't you send me to vm
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
