Don't you send me to vm
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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