running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
