I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
