You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
