I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
