fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
