Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
