I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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