I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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