He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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