I am puke
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
