went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
