i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
