I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
