I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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