i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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