Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
