Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Found the puke drawer
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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