my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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