Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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