i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
