Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
