My hand turned me down
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
