He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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