Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
