I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
