i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
