Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
