I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just had sex bonerless
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
