I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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