HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
