i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
