It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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