In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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