His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
